Kiss & Blog

You're invited

2009-09-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

So I keep getting invited to a bunch of sex toy parties that are being hosted by my friends.

Part of me really wants to go.

The other part of me thinks I should take these invites as a sign that I should go to the sex toy parties because I am not getting laid.

But just to clarify, that's my personal choice. Not because I don't have the opportunity because I usually do, but because I'm on strike. Yes, that's right. No sex.

A goodbye letter

2009-09-25T16:44:00.001-07:00

Dear Do Not Answer,

First let me start off by saying, you're a piece of shit. You succeeded in making sure I would never forget you and what you did.

I spent the last three years making excuses for your behavior and it wasn't until a couple months ago when I realized, there aren't any excuses for you left.

I am proud to say, I have not even glanced at your Facebook once since the beginning of August nor have I even considered speaking to you when you have tried to contact me.

I don't even remember your phone number... and that says a lot.

Yesterday, you took a piece of me. Well, three, actually. But now that's over with, I can move on.

Signed,

the best you ever had~

Let's clear some things up

2009-09-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular female belief, guys are pretty simple creatures. It doesn't take much to make us happy, and in all actuality, we value much of the same things you, our female counterparts, do. We put stock in all of the things that make any relationship healthy, whether it be between friends, significant others or family.

With that said, it often confuses me as to why there are so many misconceptions about us. Sure, the issue goes both ways, but many of the misconceptions about us are just grossly exaggerated generalizations. We are much more than just heartless, crazed sex pigs, and we don't do things for the sole purpose of pissing you off. So, with that in mind, let's take a look at just a few of the more common misconceptions about us:

1) We don't just think about sex.

Sure, it's something that is on our mind frequently, but no more than it is on yours. In fact, I work in an environment with all female colleagues, and from some of the conversations I've engaged in, women tend to think about sex much more than we do (but I'll save all that for another time). Regardless, there are many things that we value much more than sex in a relationship, such as honesty, trust, chemistry, etc.

2) We DO have soft spots.

As much as we try to be tough, masculine, emotionless stone walls on the outside, we really aren't. We value the same little things you do. We like surprises. We like going on dates. We like trying new things. We like having romantic nights out and/or in. So next time you wonder why you haven't gotten flowers for no apparent reason, think about what you've done lately for your guy for no apparent reason.

3) As much as you tend to believe, we CANNOT read your mind.

I can't even begin to recall how many times I've gotten into a heated argument with a girl solely because I "didn't know what was wrong." Here's a bit of advice for you ladies: when we ask if there's something wrong, just tell us. We can't just know that your co-worker passed some juicy rumor around the office about you unless you fill us in. We're here to help, and we want to help. Just make it easier on us.

4) We're not selfish.

Yes, I'm aware that it can be frustrating when we refuse to miss the football game for your family's get-together, but in actuality, we want to do everything possible to make you happy. There's no better feeling than knowing that we put a smile on your face. With that said, we aren't selfish, and we don't intentionally put our own interests before yours. We really do care about what you like, and we do want to be involved in your personal hobbies and interests.

5) We're not all the same.

This misconception eats at me the most. I'm aware that there are a lot of lousy, deceiving, disgusting meat-heads out there, but please do not assume that we are all like that. Most of us are just regular guys who look for the same things as you do in a relationship. We aren't all pigs who want to spend a night with you and then never talk to you again. In fact, most of us want much more than a one night stand or a brief fling; we actually want a lasting relationship.

-Tyler

A new perspective

2009-09-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

As I spent my Wednesday afternoon watching the fourth season of SATC, I began thinking about the day when I will crack the case of life's biggest mystery: men.

My friends tend to come to me asking for advice about the guy they're currently seeing/sleeping with and don't get me wrong, while I'd like to think I know all the answers, let's face it– I clearly don't know much about men.

So with that in mind, I thought I would give a heads up to my readers that I'm bringing a fresh, new perspective to this blog– a male perspective.

My good friend and major buddy, Tyler, has offered to contribute his thoughts in exchange for some snarky comments. Just kidding. Sort of.

Listen to your stomach

2009-08-28T21:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, we don't always need a sign from fate to realize we are not meant to be with someone.

Maybe, all you have to do is witness a sign of human bodily functions. Like this guy I've been hanging out with for a while. Everything was going great... until I watched him attempt to down 100 proof alcohol in one sitting.

So stupid. He puked–a lot. Even stupider.

And that's when I knew... our future did not look (or smell) very good.

The search for the perfect hairstylist

2009-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

I never thought this moment would come so soon. I thought I would've had more time to make this decision... to continue searching for that perfect other-half I've been looking for since I was about 14.

After random hook-ups for so long, it's about time I find someone who can commit a little more... someone more consistent.

While it's hard to put in writing, it has to be said– I need my own hairstylist.

Like most women, I have followed my mother's routine. I have gone to every hairstylist she has followed herself. And while, I admit, I could not complain about any of them, I just knew in my heart–they weren't the one.

I have spent the last few months, researching hair salons, getting referrals and advice from girl friends but I've suddenly realized just how hard it is trying to find someone that will meet my needs.

It's exactly like finding a boyfriend. You want to hope for the best, but all it ends up being is a huge disappointment. All these blind dates (hair appointments) and horrific endings (bad haircuts), I find myself feeling hopeless and out of luck.

My friends say not to worry. "You'll know when it feels right." If that's the case then, I have been far left of right. Take for instance, an uneven cut sans layers after I donated 11 inches of my hair to Locks of Love.

I can't help but wonder, what have I done to deserve this bad hair karma?

So tomorrow, I made a blind hair appointment with a hairstylist who works on our photoshoots for the magazine I intern for.

Stay tuned...

A post-breakup anniversary

2009-08-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if people still celebrate anniversaries with their exes. And when I mean celebrate, I mean, perform some type of ritual like cursing their name or burning old pictures of their ex.

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly don't.

Remember the crazy psycho ex-boyfriend I told you about? To my surprise I came home from work a few days ago and found a card addressed to me... with a return address (sad to say but yes, he still lives with my grandparents).

It was an anniversary card.

"We would've been together four years," he wrote.

I must be a magnet to needy crazy men or something because I have no luck with anyone else.

Self-control

2009-07-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

Another trip to Ocean City nears this weekend.

I told myself before I went last time that I could go there and not contact him. I told myself that I would not let a person be the reason it makes or breaks my mini-vaca.

But then I failed horribly as I did what anyone would do when they feel vulnerable.

So the question is, can I handle it this time?

Flirtexting :-)

2009-07-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Who knew a smiley face could mean more than just a happy thought?

Last week I couldn't help but notice a book on the self-help section on two subjects that have merged together quickly. Dating and texting.

In this book, Flirtexting is perfect for anyone who may not be flirtaciously text savvy and needs a helpful hint or two about decoding a text message.

Little did I know I got the latest abbreviations like LNBT (Late Night Booty Text) and F2F (Face to Face) so now when I text I won't go over my 100 word limit for all you non-Verizon boys!

...TNT PNBFs [Till Next Time Potential New Boyfriends]

Ideology

2009-07-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

"People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even saying a 'goodbye,' but apparently women have to either get married or learn something." –Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City

If you take out the word break-up and marriage from this quote and substitute it with hook-up and relationship then I could definitely relate to this quote.

I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason but I've reached a certain age now that I strongly believe that no matter what you just get screwed.

Thoughts?

Day 1

2009-07-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

I went 60 days without any contact with Do Not Answer... and then I broke the streak. My "breakover" plan didn't work as well as I had hoped. [And if you have no idea what Breakover plan I'm talking about, read the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.]

When I saw him, suddenly all those bitter emotions started to leave me and I lost it. I loose myself when I'm with him every time. Self-control is a much more difficult skill to master.

So here I am again. Starting all over, maybe this time I've learned my lesson and I will stop giving in.

Advice from Tyra

2009-07-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

Ironically after questioning my own dating antics, I found a tweet from the Tyra Banks Show on how to stop dating losers.

It's a sign.

Check it out, maybe you might consider a thing or two.

Quote of the day

2009-07-09T14:04:00.000-07:00

"Maybe all men are like a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they can get you so high" –Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & The City

No take-backs

2009-06-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Remember the when you were a kid and the rules associated with friendships and gifts and anything else trivial...

Yeah, well, suddenly I feel like I had deja vu or something. Only this isn't over something petty. It was over a relationship.

Like I explained in a previous post, a relationship was put on my table. While, I never actually politely declined... I just left him hanging there. OK– I admit it. I lead him on.

Not because I was trying to be a bitch or just because. I did it because I didn't know what I wanted at the time.

But I guess, Karma made a guest appearance in this story and decided to slap me in the face. So what did he do? He took it back. He took the relationship offer back and started seeing someone else. Is that even allowed?

At first I was really upset. I cried, actually. But I don't think it was over the right reasons. I cried because I can't seem to find what I'm looking for.

After pursuing me for only a few weeks... he was able to let go so quickly and find someone else. I'm a little envious, I don't have that ability.

I'm also upset because I had intentions of watching Twilight on his huge t.v. with on demand. Now what to do...

Dreams are not far from reality

2009-06-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

Do you remember all the dreams you have?

I usually don't. Actually, based on my previous knowledge of psychology I learned in high school, I know that we dream often, lots of dreams within one night even, but usually we don't remember them.

Unfortunately, two nights ago I had a nightmare.

All I remember was being in auditorium with a bunch of people and I only recognized two.

One was a friend of mine who I immediately walked over to and the other... can you guess? Do Not Answer.

He spotted me without me having to say anything. I ignored him as I walked over to my friend who kept encouraging me to go over and talk to him as he called my name. He actually called my name a few times and after a while I turned around and said hello.

He chased after me when I walked away and when I finally turned he said, "you nursed this relationship."

I had no clue what he meant by that (nor do I still after I awoke) and I responded, "what are you talking about?"

And his only response was, "Yeah, I had urges every now and then but it didn't mean anything."

Seriously, what the hell was he talking about?

I'm not clear on what happened afterwards, but clearly nothing if that was the last thing he said.

And as I woke from my sleep, I only muttered one word... asshole.

Great so not only does he reject me in real life, but now he rejects me in my dreams.

I shared this dream with a friend of mine and she seems to think that Do Not Answer chasing me in my dreams was something I wanted in real life (well, actually what I've always wanted) and after finally giving in and letting my guard down (turning around), my fear of rejection takes in.

Her proposed analysis made a little sense to me.

Thoughts? Have you ever had a weird dream and it meant more than you thought?

change i can believe in

2009-06-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it doesn't take much for me to realize I need to move on.

I've been thinking about dying my hair and getting it cut. Not because I have any real desire to go blonder or because I have unbearable split ends... just because, I want something different.

Is it bad that it takes only an update on my news feed on Facebook that I suddenly decide I want to be incognito.

And remember that relationship card that was thrown my way not too long ago?

I'm starting to consider picking that card up. People always say, "it's easiest when you have someone to move on with."

bitter moment

2009-06-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

I can't help it... I can't help but be really bitter right now after seeing what I have been avoiding for the past few weeks.

Like I said before, Facebook ruins everything. I'm just starting to realize how much Facebook is factored into our outlooks on people.. or for that matter, how much it is factored into our personal lives.

Seeing that photo of them together makes me sick. It's my reminder that I'm not her, and he's not mine. They look like an old couple, as if they're married or something. Ridiculous.

Ridiculous, and yet I envy her.

Somehow only one episode of SATC on the CW is just not enough right now to make my love life comparisons to.

Right now I'm feeling what Carrie felt when she found out in the newspaper about Big and Natasha's wedding announcement (season three)... but for some reason I couldn't find that particular clip online so here's another one, similar to my situation... kind of.

speaking of facebook...

2009-06-08T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was bored on YouTube and stumbled upon this video... check it out and let me know what you think.

Facebook me?

2009-06-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months, I have developed a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

Facebook came out when I was a senior in high school, in case you forget. I remember it was only for college students at one point... and if you were in high school (but that was invite only). I became obsessed with it. Reading people's profiles, clicking through their photos and constantly writing on my best friend's wall.

But nowadays, when it comes to guys, I hate Facebook.

It's an addiction in itself when it comes to looking at his profile, photos he was tagged in or if anyone wrote on his wall. But now, it's the most painful risk I take when I do look. I can't control myself.

And every time I take a peak, I of course, find something new in his mini-feed and instantly it becomes a over-analytic diagnosis of where he's been, who he's been seeing or where he's going to be. What worse is, I have no one to blame but myself. I can't help it, I have no self-control when it comes to FB stalking.

I wish there was a tool on Facebook where we could block ourselves from looking at their profile. Sure, we can defriend them, but like I said before in a previous post, it can't be undone.

Which always brings me back to my thought in the first place. Why do I need a Facebook?

Sometimes I forget what it was like before Facebook and text messaging and everything else related to social networking. I sometimes think how unimaginable it must have been to get in touch with someone.

Maybe it's times like these I wish I lived in the stone age or something.

pass the relationship, please

2009-06-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago I was asked a question I was not expecting.

This guy from home who I've been friends with for a while asked me–in a text message, if I would be his girlfriend.

My first reaction was, are you drunk? And when he replied he wasn't, I had to really think about it.

I argued both sides with myself.

Well, he would treat me well. I would see him all the time... no long distance romances (until school) and maybe, this would nudge me to get finally move on from Do Not Answer.

On the other hand... it's summer. The thought of being tied down isn't comforting. And what if I happen to see Do Not Answer at some point.

But even then... I shouldn't be waiting on him anyways. He's a douchebag (is that how you spell it? I've never used that term before).

Unfortunately, there was no SATC to watch while I contemplated the fate of my summer so I had to duel this one out by myself and in the end, I got some advice from an unsuspected relative–my mom.

"Maybe you only want to date him because there's no one in your life at the moment who will give you the attention you want," she said.

She knows better than I thought she does.

So, at some point I will break the news to him that, while I care about him a lot, it's just not the right time.

Have you ever been in a situation similar to mine?

deja vu?

2009-05-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I visited Athens, Ohio where one of my best friends goes to school. She texted me earlier today and informed me about an article that was in her school newspaper that's about our college culture of hooking up.

I'm sorry, but as I recall I believe I once wrote about the reality of dating in college for my college newspaper... so for anyone who still doesn't believe me that most guys are only interested in hooking up... read it.

crush

2009-05-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

So, I have a crush...and it hurts. Hence, the name but seriously, wheoever said crushes are fun lied!

I guess it's so painful for me because it's been staring me in the face all semester and I don't want to risk getting rejected so it's best I keep it to myself.

I mean, there's really no point in telling him. Classes are over and I go home for the summer next week...

Actually just writing 'crush' alone is painful. Why the hell is that even a word still? I haven't had a crush since middle school. And from what I remember, it didn't end well either.

I remember I used to do his homework for him in hopes that maybe one day he'd confess he's been eye-ing me ever since I let him borrow my red crayon...

Needless to say, that never happened.

On a separate note...

a friend of mine suggested I read this book titled, Why Men Love Bitches.

Judging by the preview I looked at online, I think it's a book worth investing $11, agree?

the best feeling is priceless

2009-05-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up with only two things on my mind:

1. Summer, and,

2. every assignment I have left to do before Summer.

So, being the productive college student that I am, I got down to business and spent three hours in the computer lab finalizing my digital publishing project. I have to say, I was really proud of myself.

And as I walked back without a care in the world (until tomorrow), I walked right into a mess of old emotions I thought I was going to avoid for the rest of the semester.

There I was, walking through the middle of campus, before I soon realized I was in the middle of a love triangle. There she was, sitting on a bench, waiting–watching–stalking, you know–living her life around this guy who probably couldn't give two shits about her.

And as I glanced to my right, there he was. Someone I always had feelings for and still to this day, unsure how to get rid of those feelings.

Unfortunately, those three minutes out of my day really almost did ruin the rest of my outlook for my semester. I spent the rest of my time contemplating why I ever liked him to begin with, and then, I sat in my room, feeling jealous that I wasn't that clingy girl.

It wasn't until a friend of mine said something that really made me think differently.

"It'll take some time but imagine this: a year from now, he might be thinking about you... but the best part is, you won't be thinking about him."

That thought alone just gave me something to look forward to...

confessions of a college student: bedroom blunders

2009-05-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

We all have them. You know, embarrassing moments. Whether we tripped going up those awkward steps or we said something we didn't mean to say. But what about the embarrassing moments behind closed doors? You know, those embarrassing moments in the bedroom, we hope to never make?

After doing some research talking to various college friends of mine, I have found that they tend to have more embarrassing moments in the bedroom than they do in public.

Read on if you can handle it...

CG: "One time, my ex and I were having sex with me on top. I thought it would be really sexy to turn around to reverse cowgirl without having to get off him. As I lifted my right leg up and was turning I lost my balance and fell to the floor, kneeing him in the face. Fifteen minutes and one bloody nose later, I felt bad enough to finish him with oral."

CG: "My ex and I lived in the same dorm at college, so I was constantly in his room. One afternoon I was feeling naughty so I jumped at the chance for some postlunch nookie. It was amazing, and afterwards we took a nap until some friends called to take us to chipotle. while we were in the car, my ex's friend turns around and goes, "HEY, recognize this?" He then proceeded to make a sound like a chihuahua being tortured... which apparently is how I sounded when he had gone to look for my ex that afternoon."

PH: "I used to date the daughter of the Dean at a college, which I will not name. One time we were hooking up at her house and we were engaging in some hot oral sex. I was just was about to climax when her father walked in and simultaneously I busted on her face. It was mortifying, I left her house by jumping out the window. The next day though I was on campus and her father walked up to me and handed me a box of condoms and said, "As long as you two are safe."

JD: " My ex freshman year was really great at oral. He was going down on me one night and it felt incredible. I was on the verge of the best orgasm of my life when I let out a huge fart–right in his face! He jumped off me right away–I was so embarrassed, I could have died."

KM: "I read in an issue of Cosmo, that humming while you give oral really entices a guy. One night I was with this guy I had been hooking up with for a while and I figured I'd try what I read about on him. As I kneeled there...unsure of what I would "hum" to, I thought I would just go with whatever came to mind...well–that was a mistake. I started humming "In the jungle, the mighty jungle,... the lion sleeps tonight..." Our little "hot oral sex" turned in to, a trivia game of, "Name That Tune!" Needless to say, I don't think he, or even I, will think of the Lion King the same way ever again.

my psycho ex-boyfriend

2009-04-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

Do you believe ghosts? I didn't at first. Sure, I heard stories of people seeing them and I while I was always interested, I never thought I would see one of my own.

But for the past 10 months-yes, that's right-for the past 10 months I have been experiencing creepy voicemails, endless text messages and missed phone calls.

It wasn't until I listened to a voicemail with Taylor Swift's song "Love Story" was playing in the backgound before I realized I was being haunted-by my ex boyfriend.

Yes, that's right. Haunted by a guy I dated for two and a half years (on and off) who will not give up on trying to get back together with me.

After ridiculous voicemails of depressing emo music (occassionally mixed in with some tearful confessions), text messages that say, "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY" and three page long texts telling his life story, along with the random emo pictures of himself, I find myself wondering what part of IT'S OVER does he not get?

My friends ask me why I am not more proactive about changing my phone number or blocking his, but the 12 missed calls within 15 minutes really isn't as bad as it used to be when we were together.

When we dated, he had to be holding my hand, putting his arm around me, touching me... anything that would signify to the public that I was 'his.'

He was the most possessive, controlling and really insecure person I have ever met.

I guess my boiling point came when he moved to Maryland unexpectedly and showed up at my school. He ended up living in my dorm rooms for seven weeks. Not only was he homeless, but he didn't have a job either.

And when he finally realized he could not find a job or afford a place to live, he moved back to Florida and moved in with my grandparents (and doesn't pay them rent) and according to my ex, he tells them we are still together.

Do you think he's crazy yet?

Good Date, Bad Date

2009-04-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

First dates can be one of the most nerve wracking things in someone's life. Especially if you have no idea what to expect.

I know I have had my fair share of first dates that made me nervous. I have also had a fare share of dates that were really bizarre. Those are the ones you never forget.

Like, the time I went on a date with this guy in Alcoholics Anonymous. He took me downtown to a museum in D.C. and then we went to a nice Italian restaurant in Bethesda. He wanted to invite me back to his place to go in his hot tub, but he had a prior commitment (as in, an AA meeting), so he picked me up following his meeting.

Once we got back to his place, he was changing into his bathing suit when I noticed something. He had the hairiest back I have ever seen.

So you know what we ended up doing? He stood in his shower, while I, shaved his back. (But just to clarify, it was his suggestion, not mine!)

After telling my roommate about my horrendous, it reminded her of some of her embarrassing first dates. Open, the time capsule of horrible but memorable first dates...

KS: "I was at dinner with this guy and when he was a kid, he was obsessed with Star Wars. Recently his older brother gave him a plastic Star Wars wallet as a joke. Thinking he was funny he used his wallet on the date. When the check came, he whips out his Star Wars wallet with confidence and all his credit cards go flying. I sat there mortified as he crawls beneath other people's tables' nearby to retrieve his credit cards."

One thing's for sure, we sure know how to pick 'em.

Got any memorable bad (or horrible) first dates? Share them here!

some things never change

2009-04-04T17:42:00.001-07:00

We all know the difference between a booty call and a relationship.

There's a fine line between the two, but the hard part comes when you want to make the switch from one to the other.

That's the hard part. That's my biggest challenge. I just wanna know how people do that? How do you make the switch from a booty call to a friendship? I want to see the result, like something of substance between me and him. You know, besides the used condom?

I might be in denial now but in the back of my head I keep thinking, things will never change.

somewhere out there

2009-04-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

I never really understood the concept of a parallel universe–until now.

Before Spring Break, I hung out with one of my friends and this guy she is currently seeing. He invited us to this battle of the bands event and I figure I'd tag along because I was bored. I ended up meeting two of his friends that night. Looking like I had just rolled out of bed, there I was. Standing in front of someone I could've sworn I had seen before.

With the same athletic body type, I looked up at a face that looked so familiar it was scary. He was the spitting image of Do Not Answer.

His hair, his clothes, the way he carried himself, the tone in his voice, the facial expression–it was unbelievable the likeness of the two.

The only difference? This guy is actually a good guy.

He's nice and considerate. He's talkative and he wants to get to know me. He's been messaging me on a frequent basis and has yet to play one mind game with me. The last few days have been so easy going and mellow. I have yet to spend a day waiting or wondering when he's going to contact me next.

A friend of mine put it quite simply, this is you're Do Not Answer in a parallel universe. She's absolutely right.

Maybe the grass is greener on the other side...

fml moment

2009-03-31T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing that many people are familiar with the web site Fmylife. If not, it's basically an anonymous bulletin for people to post embarassing stories that are, well, fmylife moments.

While I admit the stories I read on there are hilarious and I couldn't imagine being in some of their positions, I actually soon realized that I, too, had my own fmylife moment.

The otherday I saw a friend of mine. He mentioned how he occasionally reads my status on Facebook and noticed one status that stood out.

'There are Bonobo chimps in Africa having more sex than me.' [That was my status] Well, I guess he must of found it so comical he decided to look it up on fmylife.com and informed me he had trouble finding it.

I had to explain to him that was an original fmylife story.

FML.

go bonobo

2009-03-28T15:56:00.001-07:00

So my friend Jess was telling me the other day about how she was learning in class about these nympho chimps, so I just had to look this up online.

She said in Africa there are these Bonobo Chimpanzees that engage in sexual activity all the time. And when they're not having sex... they're fighting.

This YouTube video explains it all. They are the only animals that like to have sex... for fun. The only other species that do it besides people like you and me.

Bonobos like to have sex so much that it really doesn't matter what gender that chimp is. After a conflict arises between two males, they begin "penis fencing" where they face each other and rub their penises together. Or another special form is "rump rubbing" and the two males stand back-to-back and yes, you guessed it–rub their nuts together.

I'm sorry, is this weird for you too?

Apparently these Bonobos never form permanent relationships with one another (go figure) and scientists seem to think Bonobos use sex as a personal greeting. That's like me going up to a complete stranger and instead of shaking hands–we hump each other.

Regardless of it's oddity (and maybe even some familiarity) check out the video. It didn't take me long to realize these chimps are having more sex than me.

DVF on Love

2009-03-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I kinda blew off watching the last episode of The City over Spring Break and last night out of boredom (and an option to get someone off my mind) I ended watching it online.

By far, this episode stood out among the others. Here are some words of wisdom on relationships coming from the Queen of Fashion (who also happens to be President of the CDFA), Diane von Furstenberg.

recalling my more innocent years: part two

2009-03-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Last September, I was a mermaid for the afternoon.

Today, I was Snow White for two hours.

It was horrific.

Now, don’t get my wrong, I love kids and I love entertaining them. I have always been the babysitter who actually likes to babysit. But today I was attacked (I’m sorry I can’t think of a better word) by a mob of 20 little girls.

My friend (she was dressed as Cinderella) and I played those ethereal types of games like, ‘pin the corn on the unicorn’ and ‘musical chairs’ all of which most of the kids spent their time gnawing at my red cape instead of playing the game.

Just as I thought we had a small break, the mother of the birthday girl came over to hand us those balloons that you make objects out of. Shit. We don’t know how to make those…

One half-a-sword and three-legged dog balloons later, we gave up and just started handing out the balloons as they were–the really long, almost-looks-like-a-penis shaped ones.

It wasn’t until the tail end of the birthday party when I started getting those nosy questions asking if I was the REAL Snow White. I said, “Of course I am!” And then when they claimed I wasn’t, I asked them if they could name all of the seven dwarfs. They couldn’t so they dropped their argument.

And inevitably, I was asked the same question that made me ponder in the first place to begin with. “So, WHERE is your Prince Charming?” that bratty 7-year-old asked me.

I decided, I’m done sugar coating everything. “Me and Prince Charming broke up. We decided it was best if we saw other people before we settle down.”

For once, I was really proud of myself. I really thought I did them a favor by explaining the not-so-nice truth about fairy tale endings. I even felt a little empowered, that maybe they would feel a little more worldly about life’s love lessons in the future.

And as I smiled to myself and looked over at the little girl dressed in a pink tutu and wearing a tiara, I noticed something.

She was crying.

it's all about the chase

2009-03-23T11:33:00.001-07:00

I have a habit of giving out good advice on… anything really. Usually, relationship advice but it varies.

Like just now for example. My friend came over and she was filling me in on her pre-spring break college stories. She was in a predicament. She somehow put herself in a love triangle. Her options? A guy who was really cared about her and another guy who only wants her because she finally stopped chasing him.

After some deliberation, I gave her my two cents.

“Go for the guy who’s been there all along! He obviously wants more than just a booty call.”

And I guess her re-telling her story to me and getting my opinion really spoke to her because she decided that was the right decision.

Now, if only I could listen to my own words of wisdom for myself.

is this a repeat?

2009-03-23T11:28:00.001-07:00

Flashback

When I was in the 7th grade, I developed a crush on this boy who I thought was perfect. He had a big ego and I don’t know what attracted me to him but that crush lasted until 9th grade. I remember I told him that I had a crush on him after school one day and the next day he handed me a wooden picture frame with his photo in it. He was actually really mean to me all those years…he used to hit my left arm almost every time he saw me in the hall way or on the school bus. I called them “love punches.”

Flash forward

Now, flash forward to now and here I am. Since freshman year of college we had an instant connection, something I can’t quite explain but, I don’t need to.

I guess I should really re-evaluate my connections because the more I think about now versus 8th grade, I really don’t see a difference. He may not give me “love punches” but he never can respond back to the text messages that matter most and I patiently wait wondering if he sees me the way I see him.

I think I’d rather take the love punch right now over the unanswered text.

I hate technology.

was it fate or just my luck?

2009-03-23T11:26:00.002-07:00

Today I found a penny.

It was face up on the ground as I walked past it. What made me turn around and pick it up? I honestly don’t know.

Within that hour, I had received a text message from the infamous area code I couldn’t possibly mistake, someone I like to refer to as, Do Not Answer.

He asked me what was new, followed by a semi-bizarre but curious exchange of a few text messages that even left me somewhat confused. Regardless, I’m not going to lie, it changed the outlook of my day.

In addition to an unexpected text message, I took a midterm that I think I surprisingly did well on, I got out of my three hour night class early and I got an unexpected e-mail informing me that I was going to be quoted in an upcoming issue of Teen Vogue.

I came home to realize, I had no homework assignments due tomorrow and even better, Sex and The City reruns were on TBS…perfect.

And while I was watching SATC, I received a Facebook IM from a secret lover male friend, who only messaged me to say, “goodnight.”

I couldn’t help but share my lucky day with a friend.

“damn, teach me your ways?”

I really think it was the penny.

are you sure you want to do this?

2009-03-23T11:26:00.001-07:00

You know when you go on Facebook and you want to edit your friends. And you click that small button in the corner and you contemplate if it’s worth it. To defriend them, I mean.

Every time I get so close to pressing that button. But then something stops me. Facebook wants you to make sure you’re making the right decision by asking you one more time, “are you sure you want to do this? This cannot be undone.”

If I defriend him, it cannot be undone.

where are the single men?

2009-03-23T10:41:00.001-07:00

No, really, where are they?

Because I keep running into the ones that either taken, in the process of being taken, and then the small percent of men who like to think they are wanted by almost every woman that they can’t commit themselves to just one.

As I walked with a group of girlfriends last night on Burke Avenue, I realized something.

I am so bored with my single life.

cheescake for one

2009-03-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, after rummaging through my desk of chaos–as in a stack of random papers, a pile of books and random jewelry, I came across a coupon for the Cheesecake Factory.

A promotion for this past Valentine’s Day, Cheesecake offered a complimentary slice of cheesecake for “them.” And then–in small print–”With every $30 purchase.”

There is no romance without finance.

Apparently, the coupon is still good thru March 31st.

I thought this holiday was over.

the best condom commercial

2009-03-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

it's a love/hate relationship

2009-03-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

I hate boys. No, really, I hate boys.

As a second semester junior, I still am left baffled as to why boys act the way they do. They’re so fickle. They never know what they want and when they think they do they instantaneously change their mind. They tease us, they lead us on and some of them even enjoy it. The thought of them pulling us by a string just so that they can advance without having to lose anything they’ve already gained is not only fun but convenient for them as well.

Easier said than done, a woman can vow to kick the asshole that blew her off multiple times to the curb and swear she will never mess with an idiot like that again, but just when she’s moved on, that guy suddenly comes back.

We all know us girls have become somewhat more lenient of the opposite sex when it comes to…anything. We believe the sweet talk, the lies and even the excuses. Sometimes, we even think of excuses for them when they fail to think of one for themselves. Some of us are quick to forgive and forget. Admit it, we all have fallen into that game. The sad part is, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

So why do we let them get the best of us?

My friend Jess said, “Guys know how to woo a girl. We’re so easily persuaded with a few good words and thoughtful actions.” She makes a good point. We make excuses for these guys we like so much while they give us subtle hints that they’re just not interested.

A guy friend of mine actually opened up his opinion to this issue. When I asked him what he thought of women, he responded, “It’s assumed that after hooking up with a girl for a while, they expect a monogamous relationship.”

OK, I’m guilty of that. I can’t help but consider if that hook up has relationship potential. Unfortunately, I also know neither women or men go about it the right way. It’s a common fact on campus that it’s rare for two people hooking up to lead to a relationship. My male friend confided, “it’s when you don’t start hooking up that a relationship truly begins.”

So how do we find what we’re searching for? Looking for our knight in shining armor is more than difficult to find. Like most intelligent women at Towson, we know better. Don’t bother searching for a serious relationship in this near-empty fish bowl at school, especially when the majority of students are female.

While I know some may argue with me that not all guys are like that, I will say from my own personal experience, most of them are. I’d like to think that guys have good intentions, that they genuinely care and want to be the better man. It’s unfortunate that it only takes one guy to ruin it for the entire male race.

Last semester, I wrote a column for my college newspaper about something more common on campus than people realize. It’s dangerous and can cause more heartbreaks than orgasms–it’s called the booty call, and I’m not talking about the dance. One whole semester plus a few good love lessons learned equals I’ve come a long way.

So after all that’s said and done, I may not be perfect, I may piss you off, I might not give the best advice, but I can promise you, dear readers, something some men can’t do–committment–to this, and only this blog.