You're invited

So I keep getting invited to a bunch of sex toy parties that are being hosted by my friends.

Part of me really wants to go.

The other part of me thinks I should take these invites as a sign that I should go to the sex toy parties because I am not getting laid.

But just to clarify, that's my personal choice. Not because I don't have the opportunity because I usually do, but because I'm on strike. Yes, that's right. No sex.

A goodbye letter

Dear Do Not Answer,

First let me start off by saying, you're a piece of shit. You succeeded in making sure I would never forget you and what you did.

I spent the last three years making excuses for your behavior and it wasn't until a couple months ago when I realized, there aren't any excuses for you left.

I am proud to say, I have not even glanced at your Facebook once since the beginning of August nor have I even considered speaking to you when you have tried to contact me.

I don't even remember your phone number... and that says a lot.

Yesterday, you took a piece of me. Well, three, actually. But now that's over with, I can move on.

Signed,

the best you ever had~

Let's clear some things up

Contrary to popular female belief, guys are pretty simple creatures. It doesn't take much to make us happy, and in all actuality, we value much of the same things you, our female counterparts, do. We put stock in all of the things that make any relationship healthy, whether it be between friends, significant others or family.

With that said, it often confuses me as to why there are so many misconceptions about us. Sure, the issue goes both ways, but many of the misconceptions about us are just grossly exaggerated generalizations. We are much more than just heartless, crazed sex pigs, and we don't do things for the sole purpose of pissing you off. So, with that in mind, let's take a look at just a few of the more common misconceptions about us:

1) We don't just think about sex.

Sure, it's something that is on our mind frequently, but no more than it is on yours. In fact, I work in an environment with all female colleagues, and from some of the conversations I've engaged in, women tend to think about sex much more than we do (but I'll save all that for another time). Regardless, there are many things that we value much more than sex in a relationship, such as honesty, trust, chemistry, etc.

2) We DO have soft spots.

As much as we try to be tough, masculine, emotionless stone walls on the outside, we really aren't. We value the same little things you do. We like surprises. We like going on dates. We like trying new things. We like having romantic nights out and/or in. So next time you wonder why you haven't gotten flowers for no apparent reason, think about what you've done lately for your guy for no apparent reason.

3) As much as you tend to believe, we CANNOT read your mind.

I can't even begin to recall how many times I've gotten into a heated argument with a girl solely because I "didn't know what was wrong." Here's a bit of advice for you ladies: when we ask if there's something wrong, just tell us. We can't just know that your co-worker passed some juicy rumor around the office about you unless you fill us in. We're here to help, and we want to help. Just make it easier on us.

4) We're not selfish.

Yes, I'm aware that it can be frustrating when we refuse to miss the football game for your family's get-together, but in actuality, we want to do everything possible to make you happy. There's no better feeling than knowing that we put a smile on your face. With that said, we aren't selfish, and we don't intentionally put our own interests before yours. We really do care about what you like, and we do want to be involved in your personal hobbies and interests.

5) We're not all the same.

This misconception eats at me the most. I'm aware that there are a lot of lousy, deceiving, disgusting meat-heads out there, but please do not assume that we are all like that. Most of us are just regular guys who look for the same things as you do in a relationship. We aren't all pigs who want to spend a night with you and then never talk to you again. In fact, most of us want much more than a one night stand or a brief fling; we actually want a lasting relationship.

-Tyler

A new perspective

As I spent my Wednesday afternoon watching the fourth season of SATC, I began thinking about the day when I will crack the case of life's biggest mystery: men.

My friends tend to come to me asking for advice about the guy they're currently seeing/sleeping with and don't get me wrong, while I'd like to think I know all the answers, let's face it– I clearly don't know much about men.

So with that in mind, I thought I would give a heads up to my readers that I'm bringing a fresh, new perspective to this blog– a male perspective.

My good friend and major buddy, Tyler, has offered to contribute his thoughts in exchange for some snarky comments. Just kidding. Sort of.

Listen to your stomach

Sometimes, we don't always need a sign from fate to realize we are not meant to be with someone.

Maybe, all you have to do is witness a sign of human bodily functions. Like this guy I've been hanging out with for a while. Everything was going great... until I watched him attempt to down 100 proof alcohol in one sitting.

So stupid. He puked–a lot. Even stupider.

And that's when I knew... our future did not look (or smell) very good.

The search for the perfect hairstylist

I never thought this moment would come so soon. I thought I would've had more time to make this decision... to continue searching for that perfect other-half I've been looking for since I was about 14.

After random hook-ups for so long, it's about time I find someone who can commit a little more... someone more consistent.

While it's hard to put in writing, it has to be said– I need my own hairstylist.

Like most women, I have followed my mother's routine. I have gone to every hairstylist she has followed herself. And while, I admit, I could not complain about any of them, I just knew in my heart–they weren't the one.

I have spent the last few months, researching hair salons, getting referrals and advice from girl friends but I've suddenly realized just how hard it is trying to find someone that will meet my needs.

It's exactly like finding a boyfriend. You want to hope for the best, but all it ends up being is a huge disappointment. All these blind dates (hair appointments) and horrific endings (bad haircuts), I find myself feeling hopeless and out of luck.

My friends say not to worry. "You'll know when it feels right." If that's the case then, I have been far left of right. Take for instance, an uneven cut sans layers after I donated 11 inches of my hair to Locks of Love. 

I can't help but wonder, what have I done to deserve this bad hair karma?

So tomorrow, I made a blind hair appointment with a hairstylist who works on our photoshoots for the magazine I intern for.

Stay tuned...

A post-breakup anniversary

Sometimes I wonder if people still celebrate anniversaries with their exes. And when I mean celebrate, I mean, perform some type of ritual like cursing their name or burning old pictures of their ex.

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly don't. 

Remember the crazy psycho ex-boyfriend I told you about? To my surprise I came home from work a few days ago and found a card addressed to me... with a return address (sad to say but yes, he still lives with my grandparents).

It was an anniversary card.

"We would've been together four years," he wrote.

I must be a magnet to needy crazy men or something because I have no luck with anyone else.

Self-control

Another trip to Ocean City nears this weekend.

I told myself before I went last time that I could go there and not contact him. I told myself that I would not let a person be the reason it makes or breaks my mini-vaca.

But then I failed horribly as I did what anyone would do when they feel vulnerable.

So the question is, can I handle it this time?

Flirtexting :-)

Who knew a smiley face could mean more than just a happy thought?

Last week I couldn't help but notice a book on the self-help section on two subjects that have merged together quickly. Dating and texting.

In this book, Flirtexting is perfect for anyone who may not be flirtaciously text savvy and needs a helpful hint or two about decoding a text message.

Little did I know I got the latest abbreviations like LNBT (Late Night Booty Text) and F2F (Face to Face) so now when I text I won't go over my 100 word limit for all you non-Verizon boys!

...TNT PNBFs [Till Next Time Potential New Boyfriends]

Ideology

"People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even saying a 'goodbye,' but apparently women have to either get married or learn something." –Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City

If you take out the word break-up and marriage from this quote and substitute it with hook-up and relationship then I could definitely relate to this quote.

I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason but I've reached a certain age now that I strongly believe that no matter what you just get screwed.

Thoughts?